Holding my Breath

It’s not good when you find yourself taking a gulp of air only to realize you’d been holding it longer than is comfortable.

Tight chest.  Agonizingly busy mind.  Restlessness.  Sleepless nights but no recollection of dreams or disturbances.  Reading as lost its relaxing quality.

What’s going on!?!?  This job is overwhelming.  That’s an every day realization.  I tell people it’s a minor miracle we pull off this whole school thing the way we do.  An absolute miracle.

You want to talk plate spinning?  Let’s talk.

But this is different.

And talk about frustrating that I can’t put my finger on it.  Our most recent elementary admin meeting brought us to our knees.  SBAC expectations, 1:1 iPad rollout next year, new superintendent coming on board, shifts in elementary site leadership, the list goes on… the big ticket items just kept coming.

And there it is.  My little elementary school, our amazing students and invested community.  That’s my fuel.  That’s the plate-spinning that I love.

But the big ticket items, district-wide, looming, impacting us all (good, bad, otherwise).  That’s another kettle of fish entirely.  This isn’t new but the import of what’s coming, our earnest desire to be united and speak with one voice, our investment in supporting staff, students and families… it’s a heavy load.  It’s a plate you just can’t spin.

And I’m excited, motivated, 100% in it to win it, but the weight is overwhelming me.  Stealing my breath and keeping me up at night.

Now for the good news.

This helps.  My poor keyboard is reeling from the pounding of my fingers.  And I’ve got a team of incredible leaders around me.  Here in Petaluma, on Voxer, onTwitter and at Grant School.  People are awesome.  They come along side, share words of encouragement, offer to help or just listen, and provide comic relief just when it’s needed most.  People are awesome.

The load hasn’t lightened but by sharing it with you, working out my restlessness through my fingertips, I can breath again.  With reminders.  Breath in, breath out. Thanks friends.

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2 thoughts on “Holding my Breath

  1. Sending love your way, Catina! You are one of the most amazing people I know- a fabulous and inspiring leader, person and friend. This post reads like prose to me- beautiful and poignant. Thank you for putting into words what it’s so hard to explain. It IS a miracle what we do. Keep putting things on your cool stuff shelf! I know you will hit a homerun 🙂
    Jennifer

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