It’s been an odd summer.
My husband is blessed to be from a family of longevity. Folks die of old age. Not illness.
I’ve had a very different life experience around issues of life and death. As we all have. Each to his own journey.
I’ve seen illness, end of life, palliative care, crying loved ones unsure what to do next.
Much of our summer has been consumed with worry, concern and love for ailing relatives. My husband’s ailing relatives. So I try to coach him along.
But I realize I’m not good at this. My heart is very matter-of-fact about illness, suffering and death. I utilize pragmatics and prayer. These issues are way bigger than me.
When my husband is talking in circles about visiting or not, about meddling or showing concern… I give him my best advice-do something. Pick up the phone, book a flight, pray, talk to a friend. But don’t talk in circles and make yourself crazy. Don’t be overly worried about offending or over stepping bounds since you are acting in love and folks understand that.
It’s a sad time. I can join in the crying because I do understand grief or pre-grief. No one wants to leave loved ones. Not one wants to be left. But a body can only take so much. To a point where it strikes me that we show our pets more mercy at times. A whole different topic that I won’t further digress into here.
I think about #educoach chats. Not flippant in the slightest. What are the skills of a coach and how do I best employ them, here in this situation?
I come along side. Recognize questions from just thinking aloud. I don’t try to solve anything (as if that were possible). I listen a lot. Try really hard not to project my experiences on the current situation.
If I weren’t striving for chronic positivity, I might consider myself jaded, hardened, etc. But I don’t. My brain knows and understands, my eyes have seen and my heart has hurt. Death and dying are awful. I know where I’m going when I pass on, but I’m still a wreck thinking about my kids without their mom. All the niceties are just that… Nice. And no educator is a fan of that adjective.
We are winding down an odd summer. Our loved ones linger on. Both good and bad.
My husband continues to stress and pace and talk in circles. My goal: a positive force that comes along side.
An excellent life’s mission. Now and beyond.